50 Years Old

I had a birthday. Sunday, June 27th. I am 50. In April, I bought a ticket and planned a week long trip to go see my friends in Virginia to celebrate my birthday. We had a whole list of what we were going to do and when. What we were going to eat. Where we would visit and movies we would watch. It was going to be epic. And it was exactly what I wanted to do. Then Porter's accident happened. The trip crossed my mind now and again, but I couldn't get myself to cancel the ticket. I also couldn't inform my friends I wasn't coming. Not because I thought it would disappoint them (as if they didn't already know I wasn't going to come), but I just couldn't let go of it. Like I didn't want to believe I wasn't going to be able to go. Paul encouraged me to still go. He suggested my friends come here. But, I think I was just sad and didn't want to face it. When I finally got online to cancel it, I realized it was a non-refundable, non-transferable ticket. Of course that's the one I bought, because it was probably cheaper and I couldn't think of anything that would keep me from going. I felt sick to my stomach. So I called Delta and I was told that the wait time to talk to someone was 5 hours and 24 minutes. Hahahahha so I waited. I put my phone on speaker and Porter and I went about our day. While we were in therapy, finally, someone picked up, 2 hours and 43 minutes later. I told her my story. She was weeping with me as I shared it all with her. She put me on hold and came back and reassured me that it would be canceled and reimbursed in full. She could not empathize more. She was sooooo sweet. She made me promise I would plan the trip again and go see my friends. That was an easy promise to make. While my birthday this year wasn't the trip I dreamed of, it was a day I will never forget. I told Porter that because of him, more people celebrated me than ever before. (Or maybe it was because I was turning 50). I received more gifts, more texts, more visits, more attention than ever. Everyone was soooo thoughtful and kind. I felt very loved and noticed. I missed my kiddos that are away, but had a fun FaceTime chat with them. I feel so lucky. I have had SUCH a beautiful, full, happy life with more to come. I'm not one that cares about the number and it doesn't make me feel old or anything. I don't care. I am healthy. I have an awesome family. I have high hopes for what's ahead and I have faith that the next 50 years will be better than the last. 

Last week felt a little uneventful. Which is good. We had lots of consistent therapy that produces great results and skills he can do on his own. T-shirt on - check. Mask on - check. I can see Porter's confidence level rising. He is making great strides to become stronger and able. We have been upgraded to having the charge nurse be assigned to Porter every day because he requires nothing. It's so reassuring that he's medically stable and can focus on therapy without worry or pain. He still gets tired, of course, but he endures it well. Porter's accident was on April 26th. It has been 2 months. We were talking about it the other day, and I got physically ill to my stomach. I can't believe it. I still can't believe it. I said to Porter, "I don't know if I have ever told you how sorry I am sweetie that this happened to you. I wish it was me, not you. I would give anything to take it away from you." He said, "I wouldn't let you mom." 

Each day here has been made sweet with the many visits we have received. This week was no exception. On Monday, my awesome cousin, Travis and his darling wife, Tricia came and brought some dinner. It was a beautiful evening outside and we sat and visited for quite a while. 

Porter's darling friend, Abby and her mom and sister, came to hang out with Porter on Tuesday. He had been looking forward to seeing them. Again, it was beautiful outside and we spent the majority of the evening out there. I have learned from the last few times that Porter has had friends visit, that it's not that fun to all sit together and talk because the moms just end up hogging the conversation, so this time, I invited Stacy and Kayla to walk across the street with me and sit away from Porter and Abby. It was really fun to get to know them. And Porter thoroughly enjoyed catching up and spending time with Abby. Such a cute family. 

My besties from high school, Jen and Nik, came a brought my traditional birthday dinner from when we were young - Market Street Grill. (It was actually the Broiler that we loved back then, but since it doesn't exist now, we have to settle for the Grill). It was delicious and it was fun to laugh and talk with them. They gave me gifts and made me feel special. 

One of my mom's dear friends, Trudy, came and brought Porter and I the MOST delicious and beautiful lunch this week. I should have taken a picture of it. It was like a fancy, catered lunch. I'm glad my mom has such cool friends. It's awesome to feel of their love and support when they come and tell Porter that they are praying for him and how proud they are of him. People that have never met him, that love my parents. It's heart warming. 

Kim graced us with her presence a few times this week. Bringing pop rocks and t-shirts and even her kids to say hi. She can't get enough of Porter. And he encourages the attention. 

My awesome Sister Joanna came with Isaiah to bring Porter his favorite wings. She knows how to win his heart. We also had a great visit this week with my cousin, Ann Homer. She brought some old pictures of my dad and was showing Porter some of his great grandparents and was telling him what tremendous people he is related to. I said, "These are all the people that are surrounding you and helping you and cheering for you." We have some thick blood. Good stock. I know they want to help Porter along his way. 

Paul and Hyrum got here on Friday afternoon and brought a brave girl with them, Abbie, Hyrum's girlfriend. She put up with us all weekend. Lots of body talk - with plenty of male anatomy phrases being used. She was a good sport and it was fun to have her here. She and Porter were friends before she started talking to Hyrum. So it's fun for him to be with her too. They "babysat" for Paul and I while we went on a birthday date on Saturday night. 

I was really looking forward to getting out for a minute with my hubby and thinking and talking about something other than what's been at the forefront of our world. But, like anything, whatever is at the forefront is what you end up talking about. Especially for us right now, when we don't have a lot of time to talk and make decisions together. So, instead of escaping our reality for a moment, we tried to brainstorm possibilities and formulate ideas for our future going forward. We still haven't decided what to do about our life in Pocatello. We are strongly leaning towards building a home, but don't know what to do in the interim if we sell our house. Do we rent a house? There really aren't many houses, let alone ones that would work for Porter. Do we stay in our home and just make it work? It's exhausting to think about. On our way to dinner, Paul and I went to a woman's house who has been caring for her husband for 15 yrs and passed away in April. She has lots of equipment she is selling and it was helpful to be in her home and see what they did to make their house work. My heart goes out to all these people who have cared for someone with challenges. After that we went to Texas Roadhouse, which is one of my favorites, and it felt really good to have some comfort food. We followed that with our favorite ice cream from Baskin Robbins. I loved being with Paul and I am so grateful for the way he is keeping our life going at home. He has worked so many hours on the house and yard trying to get it ready to sell. It's hard to be away from each other. That, in and of itself, creates challenges on top of everything else. We try to stay connected. Like 2 ships in the night. hahaha. Lots of creativity plays into it. Moments not to be forgotten. 

Sunday morning, my cute mom brought a delicious breakfast and was so sweet. Through my mother, I feel the love of heaven. She is an angel on earth. We watched our church meetings via zoom, and Porter even blessed the sacrament this time. It was Hyrum's idea. I loved it. I'm so grateful for these men in my life. During our relief society meeting, the teacher had reached out to me earlier and asked if I'd like to share a message about hearts being knit together in love and unity. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk because I would be a blubbering fool, so I send her some thoughts from previous posts on this blog that explain perfectly what that means to me and how I have seen it so prevalent in my life. It was cool to hear her teach her lesson and feel like I was part of it. I have felt so much love and support from our ward family. They are amazing. 

After church, we got ready and went outside to hang out. My cousin, Preston, and his daughter, Kim, came by to give Porter a blanket and me some cupcakes and they even lit the candles and let me blow them out. It was so sweet. We had a good visit. Then, Paul's sister, Sara, and her husband, Doug and their daughter, Lillie, came by to wish me a happy birthday. Then, Paul's parents showed up. And then my cute neice, Adelide and her husband, Chase and their kids came. And then Kim and her son, Preston pulled up and it was turning into a full PARTAY! Kim made a big old banner and had balloons and cake and ice cream and everyone came bearing gifts and love. It made me feel so special. We had plenty of cake and so Kim walked around and handed it out to everyone that was outside and told them all it was my birthday, so I got even more attention from all of them throughout the day when I would see them in the halls. So So nice. I don't love being the center of attention, so it was kind of nice to have Porter as a side distraction. 

My awesome sister, Sara, and her entertaining husband, Johnny, along with their daughter, Lydia and her husband, Rob, brought us such a delightful requested birthday dinner. It tasted better than it every has. Grilled chicken caesar salad with ranch...hahaha. We sat around outside and ate and laughed and it was relaxing and just what I wanted. Sara gave me a box from my friends in Virginia, full of all the things I love and a note expressing how sad they are that I wasn't there for my birthday. It really touched my heart. Everyone really went out of their way to help me feel celebrated and loved...and I did. 

Paul, Hyrum and Abbie needed to be on their way, so we all said our goodbyes, ONCE AGAIN, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. It may even be the opposite. 

Emma had put together an awesome video of people wishing me Happy Birthday and what they love about me. Porter and I watched it after we got him ready for bed. It was so fun to see everyones faces and feel of their love. It was also humbling. As I climbed in bed at the close of my birthday, I was overcome with peace and joy and I felt strengthened by the love of so many. My cup runneth over.