Tender Mercies

I feel like we have probably had our share of goodness from above. We have felt so watched over and loved. But, the tender mercies of the Lord do not stop. They are everywhere. They’re not even little ones that I have to really look for. They are right there, as plain as day, in front of our faces. They are beautiful witnesses of the Lord's love for Porter and our family as we navigate this new life. 

What is a tender mercy? Elder David Bednar says: "The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.

When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance." (1 Nephi 1:20)

We know so little about what our life is going to look like and what we need to do and how to do it. But, we have had countless reassurances that God knows us, loves us and is right beside us. I loved reading in my studies this week, "Ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along." (D&C 78:18) While we can't foresee exactly what's ahead because we've never done it before, I can see the Lord's hand leading us along. We continue to feel strengthen and supported by all the prayers.  There are people coming out of the woodwork to help us in the most awesome ways. They offer support and their talents and abilities and their professional know how and also their time and hearts. People are helping us along the way, making our journey a little smoother and manageable. We are so grateful. Truly, “the Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works” (Psalms 145:9) 

If you have been reading my posts then you know, Paul and I have struggled greatly trying to decide what to do with our house and where to live for this next phase. After going back-and-forth, probably 50 times, we finally decided we would sell our house, and then rent while we build a house. So, we decided we would take that to the Lord and see how it felt. I was glad to be in Idaho when we made this decision because it gave me a chance to really feel home and be able to picture what we were thinking. I had never been to the piece of land we were looking at. So, I went for a walk with my friend, Melanie and we headed to the spot and stood on the dirt and looked at the views and the neighborhood and talked and talked. It didn't feel right. My mind felt confused and it all seemed a little heavy...mostly financially. Within minutes, Paul (he was in Utah with Porter) sent me a text that said, "I was just out walking and praying to God and I had a thought come to me. I don't want to be house poor. Let's take the money we would've spent on a brand new gorgeous house and do things with our family and Porter - like "project walk" or "adapt" or the French Open or go sky diving. Let's give our kids opportunities and do fun and fulfilling things instead of being held down by a mortgage payment. Let's not make our house the focus of our lives, but make experiences and memories the focus." I loved that almost simultaneously, we both felt the same thing. Melanie walked me home and talked through my house with me. Things seemed to just make sense as we walked through and figured out ways to modify our house so it will work for Porter. Then he can just come home and be somewhere familiar and we can spend just a little amount making it work, instead of a huge amount right now. We decided that it might be good to live a little and see what works and what doesn't work and what we want and don't want. We may build a few years down the road, but we feel very peaceful about staying in our current home and modifying it. Our friend, Kevin, came over and I told him my ideas and he was so nice and reassured me that it would work. Along with Kevin's help and Craig and JoAnn and others, we have gotten the ball rolling and we are feeling good about it. 

Our house is a multi-level home. Not great. So one of our biggest obstacles was trying to figure out how to get Porter from one level to the next. We started researching and realized that a platform lift would easily be the best solution. He could roll onto it and it would lift him to the next level. Like a mini elevator. We figured out where it would go in our house and we started to get bids. Paul was visiting with some people at work about this idea and one of the nurses said to him, "My friends have something like that in their garage and they were going to get rid of it. I'll call them and see what they're thinking." Paul was thrilled. She called them and got back to us and said, "It's yours!" Like what???? Seriously? and it was exactly what we needed and were looking at getting. So Paul had some friends get together and they went with their trailer and tools and got it and now it's sitting in our house. Amazing. I love how stuff like that happens. Now Porter can live on both levels of the house with no problem. 

One huge blessing that has given us tons of peace throughout this whole ordeal is - We have great insurance. Paul's group changed insurances at the beginning of the year and while I'm not sure what the other insurance would have been like, I do know that our insurance now is wonderful. They are working with us and we are not feeling like we're drowning. Our insurance will only cover one wheelchair and so we were trying to figure out which chair to get. Porter is great in a manual chair, but doesn't quite have the strength yet in his arms to be in it full time. But we thought it may be more advantageous to have the insurance pay for the manual chair. Our awesome PT, Dan, has. a connection to a foundation that has used wheelchairs. He did some research and found us a power chair that will allow Porter to get around while we continue to build up strength and endurance. But also be nice when we are traveling or going places where he may want to go in a power chair. So, it will be fabulous to have both. It's not too often you find a used power chair like the one Dan found us. We are so grateful.

Next issue...what about getting him out of bed and into his chairs? We have been taught how to transfer him and I know that eventually, when he's strong enough, he'll be able to transfer himself. But, at the rehab they have these awesome track systems built into the ceiling that have lifts that allow you to put a harness type thing around the person and lift them out of their bed and into a chair. It makes life really easy and your back happy. Right when this was all happening, we had our generous friends, Pam and Kim, offer us a lift they had used for their son. It uses the harness, but is just not attached to the ceiling. It is a lift that stands on the ground and you pump it to lift the person. So nice. Again....problem solved. 

But how are we going to transport Porter?

When Paul went on his mission, he met an elder that was native to Mexico named Miguel Alpizar. They were companions and became fast friends. After his mission, Miguel moved to the United States, started a business and has been living in Utah with his family. He owns a used car lot and I think we have bought all of our cars from Miguel. (His place is called Pyramid Auto Sales - in case anyone wants to hit him up.) One week before Porter's accident, Miguel was in Las Vegas at a car auction buying used cars for his lot. He walked by a minivan that was adapted for a wheelchair. He said he felt a prompting to buy it, but his brain told him he didn’t really need or want one of those on his lot. He kept looking around for other cars. Again, he felt prompted to buy the minivan. So he did and brought it back to Utah. One week later, he heard the news about Porter and instantly knew he bought the van because we would need it. He reached out to Paul, told us the prompting he had had in buying it and said, "I have a van for you guys and I want to give it to you for Porter." We were overcome with gratitude, because that was something we had not even thought about to that point. It took a weight off our shoulders that had not even fallen upon us yet. Miguel told us he was grateful he had followed the prompting he had and that he could help our family. We were equally glad that he listened. 

Porter took piano lessons when he was younger and he was very good. He really loved his teacher, Emily Hansen. Who is our friend and in our neighborhood. She could see Porter‘s potential and knew he could be a great pianist. Of course, Porter hit those years that make every child want to stop taking piano lessons and although he had a real natural knack for it, after much struggle, we decided to let him be done. (Which he brought up the other day and said, "I'm even more glad I quit piano now, because if I was really good, that would suck! haha) A couple of weeks after Miguel told us about his van, Emily and her husband, Stephen, called us and told us that they had a minivan they had used for Stephen‘s mother while she was in a wheelchair because of a stroke. Although she had passed away some time ago, they had held onto the van and felt like they really wanted us to have it and that their parents would be happy to have us using it. Again, we were so amazed at the generosity and impressed with their willingness to follow a prompting. Paul and I had an inner struggle - knowing we had these two options before us - both of which, had been inspired by God to our friends personally for our benefit. Both willing to give so freely. We didn’t know whether or not to pick one or the other. We didn’t know what it would look like to either of them and we didn’t want to negate the inspiration or feelings they had had concerning us. But why would we need two vans? We came up with a few reasons… Like if I were to drop Porter off somewhere and wasn't able to pick him up, then Paul could pick him up or if one broke down we would be without a car to transport Porter. We felt guilty in considering taking both of them, so we graciously told Miguel we had another offer and since he had a car lot, it might be easier for him to sell the van and that surely there was someone that needed it more than we did and maybe the inspiration was for them. Then we humbly excepted Emily and Stephen's van and we took it to Utah and Porter fits in it perfectly. A lot of minivans are made for manual chairs, but this one is also compatible with Porter in his power chair as well. We are so happy to have something reliable and functional. 

It doesn't end there. Emma was coming into town to give me a break and we were realizing that if I left and went to Idaho, she would not have a car. So Paul called Miguel and asked if we could possibly borrow that minivan just for the weekend while Emma was here. We could pick it up when we go to get her from the airport and drop it back off when she leaves. He said that would be great. When Paul went to pick it up, Miguel handed him all the paperwork and the title and told him, "This is the least we could do for you and we really want to do this for your family. So please don’t bring it back." Paul can’t tell the story without weeping and as I am typing, tears are flowing. 

Emma came into town because I had told her in a tired moment that I needed a break. Next thing I knew, she had bought a ticket for the following Wednesday to come and stay for a week.

Paul had that week off and so we decided I would head home with Sawyer and Hyrum and Paul would stay with Porter for the week. I was looking forward to a break and also happy to have Paul have the experience of the day in and day out with Porter. Paul has come down on the weekends, but on the weekends there is minimal therapy and nothing going on on Sunday. So, I,  of course, was a little bit anxious to leave Porter, but I knew that he would be in great hands with Paul and then Emma. 

Sawyer had to work on Monday, so Hyrum and I drove him up to the cabin on Sunday night. Our cabin has been a haven for me throughout my life. It is where so many of my memories lie, character was instilled and relationships were built. It is where our family gathers and where we have found love and healing. I knew this visit there would be no different. Just coming through the mountains and over the pass made my heart swell with peace and joy. I opened my window. The smell in the air. The huge, not just big, but huge Montana sky covered with stars filled me and reminded me of God's strength and power and my ability to do hard things with Him leading me along. I felt rejuvenated almost instantly. I threw a mattress in the back of my brother-in-law‘s truck and slept under the stars...that is until it rained on me at 4:30 AM and I had to carry everything into the cabin and sleep on the floor. The next day was overcast, but it didn’t keep us from going to the lake and getting in a good ski ride. Talk about waking you up from whatever slumber you are in, when you jump into that ice cold water. Every part of me was more alive than ever, as I screamed at the top of my lungs. 

I spent the day being there for Sawyer. I drove him to work. I met him in between his shifts for a slice of pizza and mini ice cream cone. I picked him up after work and dropped him off to meet his cousins for an adventure in town. When he got home, I scratched his back and made him some food. I can’t believe how hard he works. He is 14 years old and has two jobs working from 10:00 - 4:00 and 5:00 - 9:00 almost every day. He also picks up side jobs, like watering peoples trees for them. I am so proud of him and he seems to be thriving. My family has done such an amazing job taking care of him, loving him, including him and treating him as their own. I am so grateful he has been with family and cousins and not just sitting at home wondering why no one is there for him. I could tell he misses me and I sure miss him. We had another fun day on the lake the next day and then Hyrum and I had to head out to go shopping for missionary needs.

Just as He has in every other area, Heavenly Father did not leave us alone to shop. Neither Hyrum nor I like to shop. So the little prayer in my heart was answered, as we walked into each store and found just what we were looking for and 5 hours later, we had the majority of our list checked off. Easy Peasy.  I am so excited for Hyrum and loved the time we were able to spend together focusing on him and his upcoming mission. Hyrum has been so sweet with Porter and has come down to Utah almost every weekend to hang out with him, support him and see him. He has been so unselfish with me and the time I am here spending with Porter. I know he is capable and can take care of himself, but I also know he is a teenager and needs a mom to dote on him and be in the details. I'm so proud of the way he has dealt with this challenge in our family. He's a good boy. 

Paul and Emma have been great about reaching out to other people that are living full, beautiful lives as quadriplegics. It has been inspiring and educating to hear their stories and learn about what works for them and what doesn't. One of Porter's therapists told him that each injury is as different as each person. He used the analogy of brown hair - when you say someone has brown hair, of course it's not the same brown hair as someone else. They could be similar, but they may have darker or lighter shades or hints of blonde or red. Point is - you can't compare yourself or your injury or healing and growth process to anyone else. That's true for life and this scenario is NO different. However, I feel like it has given Porter some things to look forward to and some ideas on how to conquer some of the challenges he faces. It has increased his hope. They have been so kind and are willing to offer whatever help and knowledge they have with us. We have also appreciated the inside knowledge they have on programs, scholarships, funds, and opportunities that are available to Porter. There are so many resources. So many wonderful people working so hard to help those with spinal cord injuries. We feel like some of these people have been put in our path to show us the way. We are so grateful for them. 

As we near the end of our time here at the Craig H. Neilsen Rehabilitation Hospital, I am beyond grateful we chose to come here. Our experience has been quite perfect. I don't think we could have ever imagined it being this fabulous. I am so glad we chose to be in Utah where we had support. The support we have received has been mind blowing. For us as well as onlookers. The staff has teased us that they have never seen so many visitors or had someone receive so much food, mail or attention. I honestly don't think there has been a single day in 73 days that we haven't had someone come see us. It sounds like I'm bragging. I'm not. Well, maybe I kind of am. BUT I'm more saying it to ALL OF YOU - I applaud you. THANK YOU! You have brought sunshine and encouragement and love and support that is unparalleled. You have been such a needed distraction and boost that Porter and I have needed every day. We look forward to our visits and appreciate the love we feel. It has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE! Porter has quite a network of awesome people in his life. 

The support we have had inside the rehab has been amazing as well. We never could have hand picked a better team of doctors, nurses, aides, therapists, case managers, nutrition or housekeeping specialists. These people are unbelievable. Literally, everyone has been so kind and helpful and capable and committed. It's impressive what they have going on here. Highly trained individuals that take pride in what they do. We love all of them. We keep talking about who Porter is going to miss the most. He has developed such great friendships with the staff. I have to admit, I am going to miss them as well. They have made me feel so at home and helped me to feel capable and prepared for what's ahead. 

More tender mercies:

Porter has never had a UTI (urinary tract infection), which are common in quads.

Porter has never had a pressure sore.

Porter has never been constipated.

Porter has maintained a happy hopeful disposition.

Porter has made lots of new friends.

Porter has been an influence for good on all those who work with him.

One of the best parts of this whole thing is the precious, meaningful time I have been able to spend with this darling son of mine. What mom is lucky enough to hang out with their 16 year old son for 75 days, 24/7? We have learned a lot about each other. He points out funny things I do. He has been SUCH a good sport to put up with me. I have enjoyed every moment. It has been a blessing to be around him, to watch him, to feel of his inner strength. Porter is consistent. He is even-keeled. He is genuine. He doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. He tells it like it is. He doesn't add fluff. He has a great sense of humor. He draws people to him. He has determination. He has SISU (refer to previous post to find out what that is.) I feel a steadiness in him that will serve him well. He has a bigger perspective now. He has had to look to the bigger picture to make sense of it all. This will be a small moment in the vastness of time and eternity. His trust and faith in the Lord is beautiful. I am so grateful to be his mother. I love my Porter and I am so proud of him and who he is.