Is this REAL??
Paul kept saying to me, "We need to go home and get some sleep." So at 2:30 AM, I finally gave in and we went home to sleep. As we knelt by our bedside to pray, I again felt peace. Overwhelming peace and LOVE. I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father that is aware of Porter and us and knows what we are going through. I know that through the enabling power of the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ, we can do extremely hard things.
I zonked. Slept until 6:00 AM without moving. I showered and headed back to the hospital. They said he had had a good night and he was alert when I saw him. He was bugged with the breathing tube they left in because of a second surgery he would need. Its tricky to communicate with someone with a tube in their mouth. They can't quite form the words like they normally would and he can't make any noise so it's kind of frustrating. He would try to tell me things or ask me things and when I couldn't figure out what he was saying then he would close his eyes really tight and open his mouth as if to scream. Then he would shake his head and just shut his eyes. So I started to do what they do in Diving Bell and the Butterfly, a book that Paul loves. I would start at the beginning of the alphabet and tell him to blink when I got to the letter he needed. After a couple of letters it made it easier for me to guess what he was saying. I mean, who would know all he wanted to say is, "I want a wet wheelchair." (wet=cool) or "I love my nurse." Through this all, there he is....my Porter....being silly and flirty and awesome. Every time he would want my attention, he would hit his arm against the side rails of the bed. It is so encouraging to see him moving his arms. The kids got to facetime him for a moment and we got a good pic of him smiling.
Just for reference sake - this is what I understand. At various levels of your vertebrae and spinal column you have nerves that innervate different muscles of your body.
His biggest annoyance is the breathing tube. HE HATES IT. He keeps saying, "I'm so thirsty." He wants cold water! So everyone take a big swig of cold water right now and feel it in your mouth and going down your throat. Unfortunately, things didn't work out for him to have the angiogram on Tuesday which they need to do before the second surgery. There wasn't an interventional radiologist in the hospital on Tuesday, so they scheduled it for Wednesday. But, it worked out well because he had a great day of rest. By about 1:00 pm, we had had multiple scenarios of him getting discouraged trying to communicate and countless moments of pure frustration about the tube. I'm sure it didn't help to have me crying as I failed every time trying to read his lips. When he would close his eyes and shake his head in defeat, I was so sad. After being highly agitated and seeming to be very anxious, they decided to sedate him a little deeper. After that, he was pretty out all day. I had a lot of time to think and pray. I visited a lot with the nurses. Paul clipped his toenails and I sent a video to the kids of it and Ellie said, "that's as big of a success as him moving his arms." we laughed hard at that because his toenails were soooo long. (think Dumb and Dumber) (Mom's of 16 yr. old boys - go check their toenails. Yuck!) I would walk the parking lot to get air. I started this blog. I napped a little in the chair in the corner. I made Paul leave and go take the kids golfing. I REALLY had to twist his arm! hahaha. It's so complicated - thinking about my other kids who are also struggling emotionally and mentally. Thank goodness they have all been together, pulling together, crying together and helping each other. The place where we are staying is amazing and soo accomodating. We are so grateful to the Robisons for opening their home to us. Emma has done such a good job of keeping people updated and aware of the situation. Its so awesome that we have each other. I'm so grateful for kids that are full of faith. I know they our Heavenly Father is hearing their prayers. So Paul took them golfing and they had a good time. I think it was my girls first time golfing - so I'm sure it was commical as well. Everytime they would send a picture for the golf course I would think, someone's missing. It just doesn't feel right to not have Porter in those pics.
When Paul and I got back from the hospital at about 11 pm, it was so fun to sit around and talk and laugh with our kids. We were all tired, but we just kept talking. They wanted to know every detail about Porter and they wish so much they could go see him and be with him. We had a sweet family prayer. While waves of sadness wash over us, we have felt continually buoyed up by the prayers and love of soooooooooooo many people both ones we know and lots we don't. I love how these moments unite people when they have a reason, a cause to come together for a common good. Thank you to all!
One of my favorite messages from this day was:
The Savior is never closer to you than when you are facing or climbing a mountain with faith. - Pres. Russell M. Nelson
Oh Laura, this is so beautiful. I love you and your whole family so much and wish I could be there for you. I also feel peace and love whenever I think about Porter, which is all day. God is good and He loves Porter.
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing this is to all of us, Laura. How we hope and pray for healing! The journey you are on is so new, your family so united and each day another milestone. Every minute is so trying it must feel like it happened weeks ago. The pictures coming in of all the shaved heads because of Porters... has been so so sweet. I can’t wait til he sees them. Our gratitude to the gracious gifts from the Lord is overflowing. Our faith and prayers for all of you continue!!
ReplyDeleteYou don’t know me. My name is Karen Greene. I am a friend of Mark and Mary Durham ‘s. My son was injured nine years ago at a C5. He was 16 also. I have been where you are at and I promise the Lord answers blessings and gives you strength when you need it. My son’s Injury was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. The next few weeks for you are going to be a Roller coaster of emotions and trials.But I promise you life is still amazing and you will be blessed in so many ways. It is an amazing thing that he’s able to move his arms like that so close to him being injured. I hope to meet you someday and to be able to share some of my experiences. Your families in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteHello Laura, thank you for sharing your perspective. We love you all and are hoping and praying for the best outcome for Porter. Here is the name of a highly recommended rehab place in Colorado, Craig’s Hospital. A friend of a friend says “it’s world renowned for spinal cord and brain injury and swears it helped her son become independent and confident.” Wishing you all the best!
ReplyDeleteLaura, you don't remember me but I am your Mom's favorite cousin Marilyn (along with all her other favorites!) and once babysat you as a tiny girl. Now you have a beautiful family of your own, and what a wonderful group they are! We know something in our family about how everything can change in just a moment, as ours did on a family vacation a few years ago when my husband fell just a few hours into the first day, and that fall ended up revealing that cancerous tumors were in most of his bones from Multiple Myeloma. I would never have dreamed during those first dark weeks and months that we would be here, five years later, with him in a strong remission and the promise of more time than we dreamed of ahead. Our family is praying for Porter every night, and send our love and support and, most of all, faith in Jesus and his healing power.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter has had experieinces with sending people to Craigs and a good friend of hers from qymnastics went there. She thinks there are a lot of good places, but she highly recommends Craigs. This is our daughter Julie who knows Paul from the hospital. She can put you in touch with some people that went there when that time comes. Miracles are all around us and yes, even the little ones that are ever present every day, hour and minute. My lesson this past Sunday was on Tested, Proved and Polished by Eyring. W talked a lot in Relief society about trials and tests. No one wants them. No one is looking for them to come, but when they do, yes, the Atonement let's us know that our Savior has experienced all things, even our darkest shadows of night that come in times of hardship and sorrow of watching a loved one struggle and go through their personal refiner's fire. Our first thought is please take it away and give this to me! I know what you mean Laura when you as a mom want to save your son from this time. Life's challenges are there for growing and learning and reaching and climbing and becoming more like our Savior and Heavenly Father. I am so glad that I know I can turn to my Savior too through trials knowing that he alone has suffered my pains and anguish and he knows how to succor me and my loved one when no one else can. My heart goes out to you and your family. Tell them to keep a journal too. They will witness the Lord in their lives also as they go through this time as well. Keep smilling and blogging. May God continue to wrap his arms around you all and carry you when needed during this time. Love you guys!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Cydnee gee. My son Easton is a friend of Porters. I think porter has been to every one of Eastons birthday parties. I love that kid! He and all your family are definitely in our thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteI am an occupational therapist and I also would highly recommend Craig! I have a cousin who suffered a SCI after falling from a cliff in st George while there on spring break with her college cross country running team. She has a wonderful and amazing story to tell if you're interested in reading her blog. I could find it for you. Anyways she also spent time at Craig and speaks highly of her experience there.
Please send porter our love! And please take time to take care of yourselves! Much love to you all!
Laura, thank you for sharing this blog with everyone. You are doing awesome. Porter is exceptional! We love your family so much and our family is praying for yours every day.
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