Happy Father's Day

We have been hearing about the restaurant, Pretty Bird, from Dan since day 1. He has complete confidence we'll all love it. Monday we got to try it. The therapists got a group of 3 patients together and we loaded in the big rehab bus and went on a field trip. All Idaho Boys. Connor from Blackfoot (17yr old), Laramie from Rigby (29 yr old) and Porter from Pocatello. It was good to be with other 'residents'. The therapists used this outing as therapy for them to figure out their way through a small restaurant, how to order on an iPad, find a table and eat and clean up. The huge chicken sandwich wasn't the easiest for Porter to eat by himself, but he did well with the fries. There were no straws so he needed some help with his drink too. I'm sure every new place and type of food will present new challenges, but it was good to get a feel for what to do. The chicken sandwich was VERY good. I highly recommend it. It did not disappoint. And just for those of you that are going to go try it, the sandwich is big enough to share. It was fun to be out and socialize a little and the Doc (Andrea) and the therapists (Abby, Dan and Thomas) are all so awesome. We feel so lucky to have them. We even saw them without their masks on for the first time. haha. Porter did have a stressful moment on the way back to the shuttle bus. His left hand slipped off the rim of the wheel and his right one connected and so it made him turn kind of sharp to the left and he ran into a garbage can and it stopped him abruptly and he started to fall forward because he doesn't have good core muscles and it's still difficult for him to hold himself up.  Luckily, Dan has cat-like-reflexes and caught him. I could tell it made Porter very nervous. He said later that he was scared he was going to fall out of his chair and that he's worried about that happening. Dan said he wouldn't let it happen on his watch, but I don't think I can make that kind of promise.haha

Porter took a fat nap when we got back from lunch, which he loves to do. I tried to get caught up on a few things. There are so many things I need to get going. One of which is to get all the documents needed for Hyrum's visa. We had missed the email back in March and so we're a couple of months behind. UGH! Luckily, most of it you can do online. When he and I were going back and forth about it he said, "I need a mom too you know." He didn't say it to be mean. He was more saying, "I miss you mom. I miss you helping me on stuff like this." But when he said it...my heart may have sunk deep into my chest. My heart longs to be there for him. I know he is fine and he's doing well and if I was there, the reality is I would see him for 15 min a day in his comings and goings. But I love that the security of me being there for him, doing his laundry and feeding him, is something he's missing. He is being very unselfish by letting me be here with Porter. And I feel bad I haven't been better about being there for him. He is definitely getting a good feel for what it's like to be on your own and doing all of your own stuff - good mission prep. 

My sweet brother in law, Erik, brought us some lunch this week and reminded me of all the help that is out there that we need to look into. I know there are lots of programs and organizations and groups that I need to research that will be helpful for us in our future and I need to do some work on that. It seems overwhelming - but I know it will be in our best interest. We're also trying to figure out where to live during outpatient therapy. My sister, Sara, offered awhile back and just recently, my brother, Jon, is going to be moving in early August and mentioned that his house could be an option when they move out. I feel so lucky and blessed to have options. I have the best siblings. On Wednesday, Abby and Dan went with me and Porter to look at Jon's house to see if it is potentially going to be doable for his life in a wheelchair. They were all positive and gave us some helpful tips and pointers. I'm glad they took the time to talk us through it. It's a definite possibility. Jon was very accommodating and so kind to think of ways to make it more comfortable as well. I wish we knew better what outpatient therapy looked like. Guess I need to do some research on that as well. Will we want 5 days a week or 3 days a week? Will we go for 3-6 months or a year or more? I know there are lots of variables. I think we will go look at the facilities and talk to someone next week. Once again, on the way home, Porter did not enjoy being in the car in his wheelchair. It's stressful for him when they go down hills or stop at lights.  He worries about his ability to catch himself or hold himself up sufficiently. And he got a bloody nose. I could tell he was anxious, watching the traffic and the lights trying to anticipate how to react. He let out a big sigh when we pulled in the garage.

Monday night we got to hang out with my sister Kathryn and her family. They were so nice to bring us some homemade deliciousness. Porter hadn't seen Norah or Caleb, his cousins, yet, so we loved catching up with them. We cut our visit a little short because the Alex Boyé was about to start and Porter wanted to get in bed situated for that. His friends, James and Jack, were sitting on the side stage with an iPad and facetimed us the whole concert. We were so glad to be part of it and see what was going down. It sounded like there was a lot of energy there. Alex has a way with people and connecting on a personal level. He is a lot of fun. Porter enjoyed making faces at his friends and chit chatting with them on the iPad  We wish we could have been there in person, but feel grateful for technology. We feel so loved by all who attended the concert in Porter's behalf. You all have been so generous and helpful and kind towards Porter and our family. It's overwhelming. It was a good night.

We had a lazy day waking up on Tuesday, but sometimes on the days Porter sleeps in, he does better in therapy. His therapists have realized this too. Everyone teases him about sleeping in and being grumpy in the mornings. I'm always grateful when the respiratory therapists are the ones that come in and wake him up so he's not so mad at me. Jeff, the RT, is always making fun of him for sleeping. He likes Jeff, so he doesn't get mad at him when he wakes him up. Although, there was one morning this week when Porter pouted and gave him attitude. It was hilarious. Jeff has been on a mission to find Baja Blast Mountain Dew for Porter and he succeeded. He showed up with a couple of cans and Porter was so excited. He's a good dude and makes Porter laugh. The other RT, Aaron, that works at night is awesome too. He and Porter seem to always have things to talk about. He's chill and we have fun talking when he's the therapist. I love that these people have made an effort to get to know Porter. It makes it feel like we have a bunch of friends here.

One of Porter's good friends from Pocatello, Blakely, came to visit. She walked in with her mom and I was like, "Oh my gosh! I totally know you." - referring to the mom. I knew Blakely because she has spent time at our house, but I recognized her mom, Ashley, from Gold's Gym. We would go to the same class and I had NO idea she was Blakely's mom. I really wish I would have. haha. We could have had some fun conversations. Blakely was so thoughtful and brought Porter's favorite smoothie from Jamba - where they used to work together and some Soda Barn cookies. She was definitely making him miss Pocatello. She also brought him a very soft elephant stuffed animal. Porter named it Phil. It's perfect for proping his hands on when he sleeps. Wanna hear the cutest thing ever though? - They walked in with a huge jar of money. Full of bills and coins. They explained to us that Carter, Blakely's brother, had done multiple lemonade stands to raise money for Porter. HOW CUTE IS THAT? He was so excited for Porter to get it. We saw pictures of his posters and stuff. It wasn't just normal lemonade - it was New and Improved. I think stuff like this is soooooo kind and thoughtful. People just trying to do something nice and help out. What a darling kid. It meant a lot to Porter. We also had the chance to meet their next door neighbor, Nicole. She was super cool and nice. Glad we were able to make her acquaintance. 

Porter looked so cute on Wednesday. I don't know what it was about him. He even said to me, "Why are you always checking me out?" I do stare at him a lot. Most of the time, I am looking at him waiting for him to answer my questions. He tends to take time to process or maybe it could be that I ask him a lot of questions, to which he doesn't want to respond. The rest of the time, I look at him because he's so handsome. Since we spent most of the morning going to see Jon's house, we didn't have therapy. We went outside for awhile and also explored new music. Porter found some real winners/doozies. He is getting so much better at using his knuckles to control his phone. He's so adaptable. I feel so hopeful when I see him trying to figure something out. A simple task that most of us do without even thinking about it, takes him lots of mess ups and trial and error to find a way that works for him. I am encouraged by his efforts to keep trying. He loves a challenge - and BOY is this a challenge. 

On Thursday, Porter was fitted for a custom wheelchair. Like with anything, there are a million options and varieties and little details that we can change or not.  Lucky for us, Dan is a wheelchair geek (self proclaimed). He knows just about everything there is to know. He walked us through the pros and cons of different features and helped us better understand what we would want and need to consider. I think Porter is going to end up in a pretty lit chair. It'll take a couple of months for them to build it and get it to us. As of right now, he's not quite ready for a manual chair full time. So, Dan looked into some foundation for us and they had a power wheelchair that had been donated, so I think we will be able to get it for a minimal fee. What a blessing. Then we will get the other chair for when he's ready to be upright all the time and and can get around better. So we will have both. Which is great. We had some good therapy sessions that included working on Porter's balance and ability to move himself.  He also was able to work on the FES bikes for his arms and legs. Even though the improvements are ever so small, they are improvements. His strength, his balance, his endurance, his control. Sometimes we have to go back and watch old videos to really show him how far he has come. He can completely brush his teeth on his own. He can wash his face. He is getting closer to putting on his own shirt. He tried a different way for that this week and I was impressed. I see him scratching his own itches, blowing his own nose as he plugs one side, adjusting his blankets, reaching for things, feeding himself, and navigating the iPad. All of which, seem so insignificant, but are huge steps forward for him. I'm so proud of him. 

We had a family meeting on Thursday with his green team - which includes Linda and Janel, the hospital administrator/case worker, Vanessa, the attending physician, Andrea, the fellow physician, Daniel, the resident physician, Dan, the physical therapist, and Abby, the occupational therapist. We had Paul, Emma, Ellie and Phoebe on zoom as well. In the meeting, each team member took a minute to talk about how they are feeling about Porter's progress and what they are hoping to see happen and how things are going overall. They were very encouraging and all said such positive kind things about Porter. I think he's won them all over, even though he's kinda quiet in the mornings. They are hopeful with his future and feel like we will continue to make good progress over the next several weeks we are here. They are all committed to his care and are so good about listening to us and addressing any concerns or questions we have. I feel like they are even going out of their way to make things work for him. We are so grateful. As I was sitting there, I was looking around feeling like these people truly are our rehab family. They are such good people. I know they would do anything for us. They have been conscious of not only Porter, but me and my feelings and are always asking me, "How are YOU doing?" with total sincerity and willingness to listen and care. I know we made the right choice in coming here. 

Another reason we know we made the right choice in coming here is because of all the love and support we've had here. I know if we would have gone to Denver, we would be alone. Every single day, we have had someone drop by and we love it. It breaks up the day, it gives Porter a distraction, it fills both of us with love and validation and encouragement, it feeds our bellies, it just gives us something to look forward to. So thank you EVERYONE. We loved seeing Martha and darling Bonnie on Thursday. They brought us some yummy lunch and me and Bonnie threw rocks in the little stream they have across the road. It was a beautiful day. When Porter leaned his chair back to do a pressure release, (that's when he either lays back or shifts his weight off his butt so that the blood will keep flowing and not create pressure sores) he saw a rainbow around the sun. I had never seen that before. It was amazing. When he was laying back, I also noticed that his stoma scab looked like the tiny part of the orange where the stem was attached. So I had to document that as well. 

That evening, we enjoyed another visit with Kim. She has been spoiling us. She is such an amazing gift giver and loves to serve us and shower us with love. Porter gets a kick out of her. She dances and sings and Porter teaches her all the cool words to say and how to say them. She brings so much energy and light to our room and YUMMY crown burger shakes. She sure adores Porter and I thought maybe she was going to climb into his bed and snuggle with him at one point. haha She is fun. She makes us smile. 

We also got to see Camille and Rebecca this week. They always bring us delicious homemade meals. Rebecca painted Porter a beautiful quote. (D&C 6:36) "Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not. Fear not." Such a great reminder for us. We love it. In our normal lives, we don't see our family that much and it has been so great to see them more often. My parents and sister, Joanna, also dropped by this weekend. I felt sad and bad as I was talking to my dad about Father's Day and realized I didn't even write him a note. I cried. I know he doesn't need a note and doesn't expect one, but little things like that hurt my heart as I recognize how consuming my life is here with Porter that I don't think about writing a note to my daddy for Father's Day. It's not too late. I'll text him right now. 

Paul came down on Friday and was able to go to therapy and hang out with us. It's so great when he's here. We had a moment to talk while Porter was getting a facial. This cute girl named Jessica came and brought all of her stuff to pamper Porter. Emma had lined it up. He was really looking forward to it. He said it was very relaxing. I get to get one at the end of the month. yay. Sawyer came down Saturday morning. I about lost it when I saw my baby boy that looks like he's grown 2 inches since I saw him last. I loved hearing about his jobs (He got a second job) and cabin life and waterskiing and all the fun things they are doing in Montana. He told me how much he misses me up there but that everyone fights over him and takes such good care of him. He's such an easy and pleasant kid. I am glad he's having a good experience. It sounds like he has won over his little cousins. He loves kids and didn't grow up around many. I'm glad he has this summer opportunity. 

Paul and Sawyer made Saturday fun for Porter with their non stop trying to make each other laugh. There may have been some Mr. Beast, Dude Perfect and Matt Stonie in there as well. We spent quite a bit of time outside and were able to talk to Connor and his parents. Connor is a 17 yr. old from Blackfoot that was injured in a motorcycle accident. He has the use of his arms and fingers. My eyes were opened as to what a difference it makes to have the use of your hands. Porter said to me this week that he'd give anything for his hands. I'm sure he would. But, in the meantime, I'm so grateful for all of the millions of things he can do because he has some arms.  For dinner, Paul went to the grocery store and came back with delicious cheese, crackers and fruit. It was just what we needed after a scrumptious, heavy lunch to Hires. 

Porter slept in until 10:30 today (Sunday). Paul, Hyrum and Sawyer are staying with our friends and they didn't get to the rehab until about 11:30 - just in time for church. Hyrum suggested that Porter bless the sacrament - which was a sweet idea. It was a nice meeting and I'm grateful for our ward family that have been loving and serving my family in Pocatello. Paul's parents, Ralph and Bonnie, brought a fun picnic lunch and we went outside and hung out in the shade together. Hyrum told us all about his trip he had just returned from in Wyoming. My kids love their Nana and Papa. Papa makes them laugh. They love his stories. It was awesome to get to be with them on Father's Day. When we were done, Paul took Porter back up to the room and Hyrum and I sat on a bench and talked. He sat VERY close to me and leaned forward -- which means 'scratch/massage my back.' I miss him. He seems so grown up and he's so handsome. We talked about what else we need to do to get him ready for his mission. He starts the home MTC on July 27. We also talked about where he'd like to do that. Not an ideal situation with our housing right now...so it may look different for him. I want him to come live in SLC with us while he's doing the MTC online. I sure wish he could go to the Mexico MTC. Maybe I'll start praying for that. He's going to spend a couple days down here with us this week. I'm excited about that. 

We had a fun FaceTime call with our kids as we tried to dote on Paul for Father's Day. We gave him a couple of gifts. It wasn't the celebration of him that he deserves. He is such an amazing father and has proven himself over and over again through the years, but these last couple of months are a huge indication of what kind of father he truly is. He loves his kids and would do anything for their happiness and well being. I am so grateful for him. 

Jim and Debbie came and picked up Sawyer so they could take him back to the cabin. I always love seeing them. I miss them. They have really helped me feel ok about Sawyer being up there and working. I know there are so many in my family helping to make that work. So far, so good. Before Paul left, I asked Hyrum if he would give me a blessing. I feel like I have only thought about Porter getting blessings, but I've had a couple of people ask me if I've had a blessing. I have felt a little like I'm starting to crumble this week. Missing Paul, missing home, wishing for a break - which then makes me feel guilty. I want to be here with Porter, but I also feel like I could use a couple days to just regroup. Don't get me wrong....I love being here. I want to be here. I know that if I was away, all I would do is think about what I'm missing here. I know Porter doesn't NEED me like he used to, but it's also become very easy with us together because we have this whole thing down. We work well together. I know what he likes and doesn't like. We have a routine that totally works. Anyway, I thought a blessing might help me. Hyrum was very cute about it and put back on his church clothes and took it very seriously. I loved the feel of his big strong hands on my head. He was sweet and my heart was filled with added love, my body was renewed with strength and my mind was eased with peace. He said so many things that he wouldn't know to say to me. I know my Heavenly Father was speaking through my boy to me. I felt His love. I am grateful for a Father in Heaven that knows me so personally and intimately. I love that I felt this on Father's Day. I wept as I said goodbye to Paul. 

My mom sent me the words to a hymn I love this week that has been playing in my head. 

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed.

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand.

Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.