Here we go

I got a call in the morning from my cousin's husband, who works for AirMed in Utah, and he said, "I wasn't able to get on the team today because of another assignment, but you have the best team we have coming to pick Porter up today. I told all of them to take great care of him and just wanted you to know, he'll be in good hands." It was such a reassuring phone call and loved the personal touch it gave us. We got all packed up and loaded and headed to the hospital. We had decided to have Paul ride in the plane with Porter and I would drive up to Salt Lake. We got to the hospital and I grabbed a few more things from his room and gave him a big love and told him I'd see him in a few hours. I think it may have been worrying him or something because he seemed pretty mellow. I'm sure it's so scary thinking about a new situation or not knowing what it's going to be like. I'm a little anxious myself. I feel like this pediatric ICU has been my family for the last couple of weeks. We have made friends here and they have taken SUCH good care of us and especially Porter. We have been a main focus for them. All the nurses love him and are invested in him. They keep telling me to make sure we send pics and updates on him. They can see his potential and know he'll do great things. We weren't able to see Dr. Maitra before we left but he called and said he's feeling good about where Porter is at this point and knows this next thing will be great for him. He also told us to keep in touch because it's "his neck" and wants to know how everything goes. We left a Power of Porter t-shirt for him. We really feel like this was such a great place to be for Porter and know he received fabulous care. We will be forever grateful.

I hopped in my car and headed North. Paul waited for the AirMed team and they came and packaged up Porter and then loaded him in the ambulance and took him to the airport where they transferred him to a fixed wing plane. Paul said the flight was a little stressful. Porter's oxygen saturation was fluxuating and his blood pressure wasn't stable and he had a lot of gunk from getting jostled around so much, so they were trying to suction him and stuff. There was a little bit of turbulence coming into SLC, but they got to Utah safely and the medical crew was so kind and good at what they do. 

They took an ambulance again from the airport to the University of Utah inpatient rehab facility. IT IS AMAZING! It's a multi-million dollar state of the art building with all of the latest and greatest technology and equipment and amazing doctors and teams that are ready and wanting to help Porter in his recovery. Within minutes 5-6 people had introduced themselves and said they were part of Porter's team. Lots of men with big muscles. I am not going to complain. haha.

I, on the other hand, had to drive to Utah. I was looking forward to the alone time to be with my music, my thoughts and my God. I was hoping for a breath of fresh air with my windows down and my 80's rock cranking. That only lasted a second and then I wanted quiet. I went to some pretty interesting places in my thoughts. The grieving process is real. To quote my dad, 'It can include guilt and sorrow and anger and blame and depression and denial' and bring to the surface lots of memories. I went to a few of those places today. It started with guilt. I have a tendency to be very proud. I am capable and strong (see, there it is) and so lots of my life is accompanied with the pride of my heart that I can do this. I don't need help. I've got this. And that includes not turning to God for help or strength or answers, because I know what to do or what I need or what it takes. And today, that feeling of guilt enveloped me as I thought about this weakness of mine. What if this happened to Porter because I'm so dang proud. Heavenly Father needed me to be sufficiently humble so that I would turn to HIM instead of my own strength or wisdom or know it all-ness. I got pretty down on myself. I didn't want Porter to have to suffer for my being an idiot. That's not fair. Let me be the one that is injured. Let me take it away from him. I can't stand watching him go through this. Especially if it's to teach me a lesson I should I have learned a long time ago. I know I'm proud, why didn't I do something about it??? Then somehow I reassured myself (SEE - There I go again. It's a problem) or someone that loves me that is watching over me - saying, "Laura, who did you turn to the very second you heard the thud?" "Who did you talk to the whole drive to the hospital?" "Who has been the first person you go to in the morning and the last person you want to hear from at night?" "You know where to turn and you did!" and then the words to that hymn Where can   turn for peace? came into my mind. 

Where can I turn for peace?

Where is my solace

When other sources cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,

I draw myself apart,

Searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows,

Where, when I languish,

Where, in my need to know, where can I run?

Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?

Who, who can understand?

He, only One.

He answers privately,

Reaches my reaching

In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.

Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.

Constant he is and kind,

Love without end.

There He was...in the hideous minivan, reaching out to me to calm my anguish. I apologize  for my pride and told God I would do better. From this post, you can see how that's going so far. Then some sorrow set in. Kind of feeling bad for myself and the life that's ahead of me. I thought to call a dear neighbor friend whose son suffered a spinal cord injury when we were teenagers. She answered and started to weep and said, "Oh Laura, I have been thinking about you every day." I was a mess. I told her she was my absolute hero and that I'm sorry for everything she's been through. She was so sweet and reassured me of the rewarding and beautiful life she has had. Full of faith, hope and love. I was so grateful for her helping me work through the sorrow. When I dropped her call because of bad service, somehow I also dropped my thoughts about my reality and started worrying about being in Salt Lake where all the beautiful people live and all I have in my bag are band t-shirts and cut offs. Oh wait, I brought the clothes I feel cute in and wear every day - my band t-shirts and cut offs. hahahahahahaha Who the heck cares? I'm going to be in a room with Porter all day and he hasn't showered in 2 weeks so we'll make a great pair. Then, I realized I was completely out of gas and 3 miles past Scipio and the next gas station was 36 miles ahead. UGH! I had to cross over the grassy median and head backwards. So I lost some time, but got to the station with fumes to spare. 

I made it to Salt Lake and I didn't get sleepy once, which was what I had prayed for as I left. Heavenly Father is answering my prayers left and right. He cares about all of it. AND I'm getting better at saying thanks. Everyone was so kind and excited to meet us and Porter and we made some connections and we were feeling very happy about being there. At least, Paul and I were. Porter was pretty stone faced and would hardly answer their questions. A few of the male nurses got some smiles out of him as they started talking his language and putting words in his mouth. We got thrown a lot of information, but know it will all work out. My parents came and gave us some love, which felt so good. It reaffirmed our decision that Salt Lake was the place for us to be. I'm so glad that people that love Porter will be able to come see him and encourage him and build him up. I am so grateful for our families and friends. 

Paul had to work today, so he packed up and headed for Pocatello. It was hard for him to leave. He has been so invested in Porters care and well-being. We know these next few months are going to see a lot of comings and goings. We know there will be tough times. We know that 'pullin' together we can work it out'. 

So, here we go! New chapter, new phase, new miracles. Love you all!