The Sabbath

Kneeling down to pray each night makes me kinda laugh because I’m like, “I know I was just talking to you literally 15 minutes ago and 25 minutes before that and then 7 minutes before that....” but there is something different as we kneel to pray together by our bed. I feel as though all day long I’m asking for something - for his blood pressure to go down, for his blood pressure to come up, for his temperature to stabilize, for him to stop peeing out sodium, for the medication to work....just nonstop pleas. But when I kneel down after each day, my mind is flooded with gratitude. Gratitude for the obvious things (nurses, docs, modern medicine) all the way down to the cool boots they put on his feet or the parking spot that opened up right at the entrance. There is also Gratitude for the continual strength and support we are receiving from all of you. Gratitude for the PEACE and HOPE that only the spirit can infuse. It feels good to say all those things out loud and to recognize that God is in the details and that He is on our side! Porter was his son before he was mine and he has his best interest in mind. I slept like a rock! 

The sabbath brought much rest for me today. Paul went to the hospital and hung out with Porter while I spent some great quality time with all my other kids whom I have neglected all week. They have been so understanding and supportive of me being at the hospital. We talked about their feelings and how they are processing. We hugged and cried and it felt good to be with them. We decided to watch our church meetings via zoom and I'm not gunna lie, it was emotional for us. Paul and Porter were also watching it at the hospital. We sat together as a family and listened to people bear testimony of things they had experienced this week in light of Porter's accident. For some, they had gained a new appreciation for their bodies and what they can do. For another, the power of fasting had been realized. Others heard Heavenly Father's voice through their prayers being answered, and it gave another a missionary opportunity to share God's love. The overarching beautiful message through them all was that trials are inevitable and that God uses these moments to help us to become a better version of ourselves as we discover God's will for us and make His will our will as we ultimately allow God to prevail in our lives. It is sometimes through another persons tragedy or suffering that He touches and blesses lives and while the pain and anguish for us is excruciating, somehow I feel strengthened and lifted as I see His purposes being made evident in others lives as well as our own. 

Paul gave me this update on Porter:

Porter finally got to take his c-collar off! Nothing has changed in terms of motor or sensory innervation. He is still on medicine that prevents his blood from clotting (Heparin). He goes in tonight for a scan to see how the blood clots look. Hopefully they have reabsorbed back into the body, vertebral artery dissection has repaired itself and blood is flowing to his brain on that side, and no additional clots have formed. Because his blood is not clotting, he has formed another blood clot (hematoma) under the wound on his head, to which they are applying pressure and watching closely. He is off most of his sedation except for a light dose of narcotics. White blood cell count is up which means infection but they aren’t sure yet of the source. Sputum, urine, and blood samples are brewing to see where there might be infection. 

On Tuesday, they will turn off the heparin and do a tracheostomy if everything looks good on his CT scans on Monday, so we can get that blasted tube out of his throat! It should be easier to understand his mouthing words and if nerves that help him swallow haven’t been damaged, (this will be confirmed by speech pathology with a swallow study) he should be able to start eating and drinking. Yay!! Laura and I have been doing what the occupational therapist taught us to do to keep his joints moving and I’ve been giving him lots of shoulder and arm massages. He is easier to wake and responsive, though hard to communicate with. Porter and I watched/listened to sacrament meeting over Zoom in his hospital room and we were literally “standing in a holy place”! Thank you everyone for your testimonies and prayers! 

Phoebe, Hyrum and Sawyer got all packed up and were going to head home. It's difficult to say those goodbyes without knowing when we will all be together again. They are sad to leave Porter because they want so badly to be there for him, but since they can't even visit him, it's good for them to get back home and do their lives and facetime when we can, which is all they can do here. They are being so brave. They made it home safely and drove up to a chalk covered driveway and porch and walked into a clean house, food stocked counters and fridge and posters of encouraging words. I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS!!! They felt noticed and that made their momma happy. It also made Grandma who is staying with them happy! 

Paul came home for dinner and Joni had made THE most delicious dinner I think I have ever had. It was pure comfort food. We broke our fast with a sweet prayer that Dave said. They have been so sweet to our family. Taking us in, feeding us and treating us like their own kids. It has been such a comfortable situation for us. We are beyond grateful. Emma and Ryan decided to stay a few more days which has been nice to spend time with them. Emma has her mom's nurturing spirit and can't seem to pull herself away from wanting to help and be there if she's needed. Love you Emma.

Paul and I headed back to the hospital after dinner and enjoyed the evening talking to Porter. It's more of a one sided conversation with a few half smiles and eye brow raises. Paul did get a couple eye rolls when he told him a joke or two. It's always reassuring when he responds and we can tell he is with us and registering it all. He hasn't wanted us to read any fan mail yet or his texts. I wish so much I knew why. We don't know if it's because it will make him sad or something. But he likes looking at pictures. 

We shared another sweet moment of prayer with him before we left for the night and he looked very peaceful. I just want to take him in my arms and hold him. I hope he's ok.

We continue to feel so blessed for all those who reach out and love and support us. People keep coming out of the woodwork with such encouragement and validation. It's so helpful. Thank you!

http://bit.ly/porterbrinton