Mother's Day

For the last 2 weeks, I have been called, Mom, Momma, and Mommy by all the Docs and nurses. Don't know if any of them even know my name, which is fine by me. Because this is a title I love. Many of them would ask me, "What do you do for work?" and naturally I would say, "I am a mom." (Although, I do have a part time job that is the best job in the world because it's what helps me be a better mom, spouse, friend and saint. It's basically a 2-day a week therapy session.) But, every time I would say, 'I am a mom', the nurse or doctor would say - yep that's a full time job in and of itself. I think a girl I follow on instagram said it best yesterday though...

I am just a mom their whole world. 

And that's how I have felt with Porter this last couple of weeks. Doing what we're doing with Porter isn't really much different than what you do with a new baby. They are completely dependent on you and you have to do everything for them. I am kind of looking at it that way, almost like a rebirth. Every day learning and growing and becoming the man he was meant to be. I want the best life possible for my kids. I want to provide every opportunity for happiness I can. I would do anything for him and all of my children. They are MY WHOLE WORLD. 

I was overwhelmed with messages yesterday of tributes to me and telling me I won the mother of the year award and how they could never do what I'm doing. But with every message, I just kept thinking, 'That is so nice, but we all are doing hard things. We are all climbing our own mountains with so many various trials and hardships and we are all doing our best. While our trial with Porter is very obvious, I know there are so many of you that struggle with sorrow the eyes can't see and deal with pain and anguish in matters of the heart. We all have stuff and a lot of it is messy and hard and will test us and try us. But again, isn't that why we came to earth? We are here to prove that we will choose God and allow Him to prevail in our lives. The sister missionaries joined us at the Robisons for dinner yesterday and one of the sisters in her message said, "I feel like maybe we knew some of the trials we were going to face in this life before we came to earth, but we wanted a body and knew that with God and Jesus Christ we could do it. I believe that's why when we are going through our trials, there is something that resonates with us as we seek divine help. Even Jesus Christ knew what He was coming to earth to be and do, and even He, in the hour of supplication was pleading with His father, "If it be possible, let this cup pass from me." He ALSO needed to be strengthened and comforted in His grief and agony. An angel came from heaven to help Him. But even in His moment of weakness He said, "...nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done." And because He went through with it, He knows how to succor us and help and strengthen us." I thought it was a beautiful thought and I'm grateful she shared that.    

  

I felt so uplifted and honored yesterday as so many of you shared your thoughts and feelings with me and about me. It is through your strength and faith in me that I am finding the ability to keep going forward. I have my moments for sure, but overall, I feel peace, so thank you!

wow - enough about me - back to Porter. We had a lovely day with him. He was SUPER tired. Like surprisingly tired. He kinda couldn't his eyes open. We facetimed our mothers and our kids. It was fun to let them all talk to Porter for a minute. We watched my Dad give a talk in his ward that was very heartfelt and powerful. Then we watched our sacrament meeting and we were surprised to see Hyrum give a tribute to mom's and me and then we listened to Dave Robison give a talk in his ward. It was wonderful as well. 

Every day Porter is getting stronger in the muscles groups he does have. We are encouraged with the use of his arms. All of his vitals look good and he is doing great not on the ventilator. Then even took the whole machine out of his room. We are anxious and excited about him going to Utah tomorrow. We are ready for the next step. We know it's going to be tough and a lot of work, but we are confident it's going to be just what he needs. 

We were teary as we hugged Dave and Joni goodbye. They have become dear, personal friends to us and I know we will keep in touch throughout our lives. This situation has bound us together. We couldn't have done it without them and their kindness and generosity. I am so mad we didn't get a picture with them. We leave first thing in the morning.

During my prayer before bed, I realized how much the day had focused on me, of course, because I AM THE MOM, but in all of this - there is my sweet, humble, faithful, kind, loving, supportive, dedicated, awesome, wonderful husband who has done everything I have done and has spent every waking moment worrying and helping and loving our sweet Porter. He is the one who has brought laughter and fun to some tough moments. He is the one doing the encouraging of Porter and me. He is the one who is taking care of both of us. He is asking all the right questions and answering so many of my questions. He is also the one worrying about all the stuff that I can't and don't want to think about. He is figuring out all the behind the scenes necessities. He is feeding me and making me sleep. Paul is so brave. He is so patient. He has been so sweet to me. I'm so very grateful to have him by my side. There is no way I could do it without him. I love you Paul. Thanks for letting me be the MOM.